You’ve probably heard that sex is like pizza, because even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good, right? And of course, College Humor has outlined 22 reasons sex is like pizza.
But I want to talk about sex and pizza a little differently. Here is sex educator, mentor, and one of my personal sex ed heroes, Al Vernaccio’s Ted Talk: “Sex needs a new metaphor. Here’s one …”
He outlines the classic baseball metaphor for sexuality, explains why it’s problematic and inherently sex-negative, and suggests that instead, we talk about sex in a different way. What if sex is really like pizza?
It makes sense, doesn’t it? Sex is an internal desire. Intimacy can’t be shared when people oppose one another. Finding satisfaction with a partner doesn’t have to be about orgasm at all, but it’s a lot better when the focus is broader than one person’s climax.
What I love about this new metaphor is that it breaks down the gendered roles and barriers and takes the pressure off one partner to perform. It gives each partner agency, choice, and space to voice their desires.
I know so many couples who always do it the same way: missionary with the lights off. Secretly, they both want more, different, excitement, butterflies, but they just don’t know if it’s okay to ask. Maybe they have asked and they’ve been shot down. Maybe their partner asked, but they were too uncomfortable in their own skin to try. Maybe time is a factor, and they haven’t figured out how to be more adventurous while raising kids, working, and living life. Maybe they have belief systems that come from a false cultural narrative. Sex doesn’t have to be spontaneous to be good. Orgasm doesn’t have to be elusive. Orgasm doesn’t even have to happen to achieve mutual intimacy.
Bodies change. Relationships change. Life changes. Are you experiencing the intimacy you deserve?
Have you ever looked at your partner and said, “Want the usual tonight, or shall we try something different?” If not, Passion Coaching may be the answer. Learn what really turns you on. Find words for activities you may have fantasized about, but didn’t know how to explain. Have a non-judgmental atmosphere to say the words out loud. If you have trouble just saying “I want you,” then contact me today for a free 15-minute consultation to see if Passion Coaching can help you put the spark back.
Of course, if you just want advice anonymously, there’s always Ask DeAnn!
I hope this has sparked some discussion in your relationship, and helps you improve your approach to sex, intimacy, and #allthepassion!
How is sex like pizza for you? Do you know how to ask for what you want?